Cheryl Ho’s Blog

Second post of the day.

I can’t seem to forget or ignore or put aside this UK matter. It’s one hell of a dilemma.

My uni is offering a scholarship award in UK for outstanding students. So with CGPA of 3.9-4.0 (maximum CGPA), 100% scholarship is offered on the educational fees.

If THAT isn’t an opportunity, then tell me what is?

My first sem’s CGPA was 4.0. Now I’m waiting for my second sem’s results, hopefully to maintain my perfect grades.

Now, the Pros and Cons of going to UK.
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Pros
1. Educational fees is free! (if I can really get 100% lah)
2. Once in a lifetime opportunity
3. Experience studying in London, UK
4. Start of a fresh new life
5. Basically, this is something that I can never afford to do if it weren’t for this scholarship offered. I would never have the opportunity and chance to live nor study in London. Period.

Cons
1. Faraway from family and friends
2. I don’t know if accomodation is provided (if it’s not, it will cost a bomb to live in UK!)
3. Have to be really really independent
4. Well mainly, it’s the fact that I’ll be away from my family, and all alone not knowing anyone in UK, and still in doubt if my family can afford paying for my cost of living there in UK.
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And this is not easy to get. Only 100 seats are available. Closing date is on December 7th, but my semester 2 results will only be announced next year.

So I spoke to my Lecturer. According to her, this scholarship is based on recommendations by lecturers. She asked if I was interested to go. Because if I was, she could send in a recommendation letter with my name in it.

I was overjoyed.

However, it is still not confirmed regarding the accomodation there. I highly doubt accomodation is provided along with this scholarship. I’ve researched online, it would costs roughly about RM2000 per month just for accomodation in London.

I don’t know how accurate is the calculation, but what I do know is that I could never afford to pay RM2000 PER MONTH just for accomodation.

Nope.

Actually, truth being told, I know that deep down inside, I truly want to go to UK. I want to experience a new life there. Learn to be independent. Away from everyone that I know (though it is quite intimidating to come to think of it). I really want to go to London.

I suppose I’m giving a lot of other excuses on why I THINK I do not want to go there, or the cons of going there, is only because I am afraid that my application will be rejected.

Knowing that only 100 seats are available, and there are thousands of students in my uni, the chances are really tight and slim. I know that this isn’t an easy hope I’m wishing for.

I have this fear, that when I want that particular thing so so so very much, I would not get it in the end. Instead, when I want that thing in the very least expected moments, I would get it.

At mere times, it feels like it’s all a game of God, just testing us how much we want or treasure things in life.

Same goes in this situation. I really want this opportunity to go to UK. But I’m afraid to admit and show it, only because I know that I would not get it when I want it so much. It has always been that way in my entire life. I don’t know, but it really feels like a game to me. A not very interesting one, that is.

My lecturer who said would recommend me in told me to email her with my particulars so she can proceed in my application once she has received all my results for my semester 2.

I’ve emailed her, but she hasn’t replied. Having no clue about the progress in this scholarship offer is really killing. I go to bed every night, thinking about the possibilities of me going there, and the possibilities that my lecturer might have forgotten her dear student here is probably dying over this scholarship and waiting anxiously for her reply.

Hmmm.

Oh well. Luckily, this lecturer is really like a good friend to me. I have her number. Perhaps I would call her in a few days time just to check on the status.

See. This really proves how excited and anxious I am over this UK thing.

Somehow or another, this time, I have a strong feeling that I will not get this offer. Or maybe some small things will pop up along the way and just totally end my planning on going to London. Like financial issues, for instance.

Sigh.

Well at least I feel a lot better letting this out. Now knowing that I HAVE to face the fact and stop lying to myself that I do not want to go to UK, is merely bullshit and it’s good that I’m at least trying to learn to face the truth..

….and also preparing to face rejections.

Hmmm.

Truthfully speaking, I’m rather almost used to it. Being rejected, I meant. Considering the amount of times I got rejected for my local scholarship applications in the past, okay twice to be specific, I suppose if I am rejected on this one this time, it would be much of a pain, though I admit I will anyhow be disappointed.

I’m human too, you know!

I suppose I should at least be happy for the fact that my lecturer is willing to send in a recommendation letter with my name in it. I’ll personally take that as a compliment secretly. :) Hehe
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I think you’ve heard me whining enough.

I should go cook my lunch now. INDO MEE! =)

Yours truly,
Cheryl, pray for me that I can go to UK! heh
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First off,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AH SENG! I remembered la dei.. (11th Nov)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY REBECKY! (12th Nov) Sorry hun my text couldn’t be delivered to your Russian number somehow =(
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My finals are this week. Basically I’ve already passed and done all my written papers. I think I nailed my Malaysian Studies exam last Saturday (at least I hope I did).

Well I was the last student left in the class who was still writing down answers for the short essay (short, I know. but i’m never good in doing short). Not that I don’t have enough time, in fact, I had more than enough time.

It’s just that, I don’t know how the other students managed to finish THAT much quicker than me. Having myself to be the only student left in the hall (cos you can leave once you’re done) was shit. Not me, but the feeling.

In bout 5 hours time, I would have to get ready for college. And plus another 5 hours from then, I would have to begin my Final Integrated Project Presentation. Which is, I hope, not as hell as life drawing’s critic day. I shall tell you the story of that some other time.

Actually, I don’t know why I’m still up blogging. I just finished up the stuffs I needed to prepare for tomorrow’s presentation. I could have just went to bed and sleep, considering I have a long day ahead tomorrow.

Oh! Did I mention that a few of my classmates and I will be matching against our lecturers in badminton tomorrow after class?

I demanded my Life Drawing lecturer to give me higher marks, and he said “Okay. Only if you can WIN in badminton”.

-.-

And remind me again, why did I put my Life Drawing grades in risk?

Gawd, presentation’s tomorrow! Smart casual, and I’ve still not thought of what I should wear. I hate wearing formal. Though smart casual isn’t technically formal, but I believe it’s just a friendlier way the lecturers were trying not to scare us away with the word “formal”.

Okay.

I know how this was titled to be “A Short Note”, but somehow, not very short after all.

Well I did mention earlier that I was never good with short right. At least I gave a warning. Fine. An unnoticeable one.

Right dear readers. Though I think I have quite a few more to say, but I gotta roll, it’s way past my bedtime. Long day ahead. Wish me luck in badminton. I hope I don’t embarrass myself with the last 2 days of this semester.

Goodnight!
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Yours truly,
Cheryl, I’m so undecided right now. I want to go to UK! And partly, I don’t know if I really want to =(
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Actually, truth being told, until today.. I still don’t get it why the phrase “burning midnight oil” goes as such. Well I do understand what it is trying to convey. It’s just that… why burning? Why midnight? (okay I can accept midnight, I get it for this). And why oil???

Okay I know I’m asking stupid questions.

It’s like another idiom; “A stone’s throw away”, and me asking why a stone, and not a pebble? Or some shit.
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I woke up at 9am today. Brushed my teeth with my Colgate, cleaned myself up and got changed. I went downstairs to seek if there was breakfast. Mom said yes. I was unsure on whether I should be happy or sad, because I wasn’t quite hungry at that moment.

Till she told me, “Take your char siew pau over there”.

WAHHHHHHHHHH. Nice. Long time since I last had it. (Sorry, a not-very-halal-topic)

Anyways, since 9:30am, till NOW, I’ve been doing my Creative Journal. And having the title being “CREATIVE”, I have to frik’n be creative when I design this creative journal. It’s not easy okay. It’s very stressful, for my brains. My creative side of the brain, that is.

Alright fine, perhaps I’d admit that we were given a longer duration of time instead of 2 days long (this dues this coming Tuesday). Actually we were given 12 weeks to do this CREATIVE journal using our CREATIVE minds and designing it CREATIVELY.

Bahh.

Please. How long have you been a Malaysian? Or at least, knew a Malaysian?

When we are given a very long duration of time, there will only be one thing set in our heads; “Still alot of time lahh, can chill first”.

Thus, the frequent existence of the 2-days-last-minute-work.
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As much as I want to snap some photos of my creative journal progress so far, I’m afraid if I do so, I’ll totally miss my sleeping time and lagi cannot finish my work.

On another note, I have a very sad news to share. My external drive went corrupted today. All of a sudden. Don’t ask me how or what or why or when. No, wait. I just told you when. Ughh..

It got corrupted. Period. :(

I have all of my photos in there! All those since God knows when till present! And it’s all gone now! Not to mention, I have all of my assignment photos in it. I have no backups for all of it. So yeah, damn right I’m fucked.

As you can see in my wishlist, I noted “1 Terrabyte external hard drive” there for a reason you know. You know why???

Because I sensed this was coming! Just not THIS soooooon! WHATTHEHELL! Can like at least give me some time to back up some of my important files?

First, my camera memory card gets corrupted. Once. Then it happened again. So that makes it twice. Then now, my external hard drive gets corrupted. What are you going to pick on next, huh? Pfft!
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I’m dying with my journal now, seriously. I’m thinking if I should continue doing it now, but I’ve been counting the hours. And it’s been 13 hours long since I started doing this shit. That’s more than half a day!

Perhaps I should stop. And sleep.
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Yours truly,
Cheryl, does he notices me?

I think I can safely say that all parents have told their sons or daugthers AT LEAST ONCE of the following line; It’s for your own good.

It’s for our own good? How sure are you?

I was talking to a good friend of mine just now, and was rather angrily motivated by his situation to post this.
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Why do parents oftenly use this line against us? “It’s for your own good”. Yes, I agree. At most times, it really IS for our own good. Especially at those times when we were much younger as kids back then, when we knew nuts about what were bad influences and negative elements. Yes, that I agree, whatever they did or said, was really for the sake of our own good.

But what about studies? Dreams? Passion? Future?
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Dreams and future.

“You have to know the difference between dreams and future”. Another common line from parents when it comes to studies matter.

“If you can dream, and not make dreams your master;
If you can think, and not make thoughts your aim;”
by Rupyard Kipling

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If I can choose to live my dreams, then my dreams will be my future. But if I were to forced to live a future that I’ve never once imagined, then my future will never be my dreams.
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The truth is, it’s too subjective.

Because of the fact that we’ve been taught and had our mind sets since the early beginning that the image of a doctor or lawyer portrays professionality, until today, what we are looking at is merely known as the stereotype icon of the doctor or lawyer.

But what is the real truth behind these stereotype icons? Yet again, it’s too subjective.

I am quite offended on how people tend to stereotype designers. Does it mean that even though they major in the art field, they’re not as intelligent? How sure are you designers don’t earn much? How sure are you they don’t earn as much or more than those you call Professionals? Have you been a designer or an art director before? Are you the person who sets the market demand in the future and many more futures to come?

No.

If we are to be forced to travel the path that we never had the intention to, then in a few years to come after we graduate, we will all be in the same boat no matter what field we major in. We are going to be in the same rat race.

“But the trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat”, by Lily Tomlin.

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Dear parents, Stop stereotyping. Stop assuming. Stop assuming that you guarantee to know exactly what’s best every single time.
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BUT Why do you assume so quickly? How sure are you that there’s surely gonna be a river ahead? Okay now. EVEN IF there’s really a river, how sure are you that there is no bridge across! The only way to know, is to travel further!

Don’t make assumptions too quickly.

The world is changing. It has changed and is still changing. It changes with time. That’s an unarguable fact.

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
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Dear parents, if our interest is in the art and design field, and with that, you say “Don’t live your dream, that dream might in time turn only into a hobby in future”. Thus, you pushed us to the field and path that we never wanted to travel on.

And by that, I must say, indeed we’re not living our dreams. What we are living, is your dreams.

If you can guarantee that you know this and that is for our own good, can you guarantee that in years to come when we have our career, we will not have to wake up dreadfully every morning from bed and look in the mirror at ourselves and say, “Damn it, it’s a Monday. I have to go for bloody work”, or, “Fck, I hate my job!”.

Can you?
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And before you further misunderstand, I’m NOT referring this issue to me or my parents. Not particularly anybody’s infact. I’m just saying it in general.

And with this opportunity, I want to thank both my parents, my loving mother, and father, for understanding my study needs, career interests and all in all, my happiness. I’m more than grateful that my both my parents agree with me choosing my own field of studies. And with that, it is an additional plus point to why I must not let them down.

I shall end this post with this picture,
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How can I be more grateful than I am right now for what I’ve finally managed to achieve.. I’m overwhelmed with joy and very very relieved. At last..

I’VE FINALLY GOTTEN A SCHOLARSHIP! 50% !! FROM LIMKOKWING UNI!

HELL YEAH
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The happiest part is that this scholarship is applicable starting from my current Semester 2 (right now) till throughout of my whole BA (Hons) in Professional Design Degree programme!

No words or pictures or whatever shit can describe how frik’n happy I was, and still am, when I got the news over the phone I tell you.. No one. Nothing. Na’ uhh.

And may I say, the cutest part of this thing is… the offer letter perhaps? Here read it. And note the part where I highlighted in yellow.. heh
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Enjoy 50% off. Sounds like some Mega Sales la weh. Seriously. Very funny.

But I don’t give a shit, cos that’s not the important thing. Muahahaaa sorry I’m very happy, forgive me. . . I feel so proud of myself weh (cehwahh). No la, actually I’m just damn grateful that I didn’t give up trying for this (I couldn’t afford to give up anyway, lol).

When I applied for this scholarship, the guy (local student counsellor) said this to me,

"Ehh… Cheryl Ho… you again ah?? If I’m not wrong.. last semester you got apply before right.. And rejected. Eh and The Star Scholarship also you apply right.. BUT, rejected also. So this is your 3rd time applying ah?" -.- .

He jokingly added,

"Alaa eh, don’t need to apply already la.. 1st time rejected, 2nd time also rejected, this 3rd time also SURE reject one. Don’t waste your time la.."

He even suggested me to apply for Sin Chew and Nanyang Scholarship instead.

Wth. Joker. BUT, thank God he was really helpful with my application. We went through quite an interesting conversation. I’m very lucky because I applied this on a Friday, and the following Monday he called me up straight. If that is not lucky then I dont know what is.
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Anyways, now that my Semester 2 began, and Week 2 of it just passed, my assignments are already starting to pile up like dog weh. Cannot take it. Have to sketch 50 human figures per week you know! And alot more of other assignments and projects. But I enjoy doing it, so it’s not all that bad. Just that it’s very time consuming. Thus, the lesser updates on my blog. (:

Sorry darlings. Don’t get emo. I might be slow and away for a while but I’m not gone, not even if you want me to be. Muahah
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Okay it’s 2am now, I want to tido already because tomorrow is yet another long day of assignments-marathon. So goodnight my darlings and wait,

So what’s the moral of the story today?

NEVER. GIVE. UP.  *with Terms & Conditions applied*
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Hahahahh. Byebye machas and braders.
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Yours truly, Cheryl, please buy me a DSLR..

No. It’s not A fortnight, it’sTHE fortnight.

It’s two weeks till my SPM. I’m becoming nocturnal. Perhaps I all along am, just that I stay up late for the computer, not for frik’n Physics. And History. And Add Maths. Okay, literally, for SPM.
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I don’t know about some of you guys, but I’m just not the kind that studies at home. I just can’t. Not with my computers, my bed, the TV, the Internet, my frik’n BLOG.. sheeesh.

Distracting much.

I don’t know how you guys do it man.

I see the bed, I wanna go to sleep.
I see the computer, I wanna get online.
I see the Internet Explorers, I wanna get to my blog and to more other blogs.
I see the TV, I wanna watch it.
I see the fridge, I wanna eat, eat eat and eat.
And when I’m full of eating, I feel sleepy and that’s when I see the bed again.

So you see, it’s a whole cycle thing.

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Okay FINE. I admit. My will power to study and be hardworking is not high enough. You happy now?
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My regular studying spots are Starbucks, Leo’s Cafe, and at times, Dao Wei’s house.
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And when I get tired of studying, I take random photography shots.

How nice if Malaysia’s education system offers photography as a subject in SPM.
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Yours truly,
Cheryl, a long day ahead tomorrow, but I’m NOT telling why, yet! HAH!