UK Dilemma

Second post of the day.

I can’t seem to forget or ignore or put aside this UK matter. It’s one hell of a dilemma.

My uni is offering a scholarship award in UK for outstanding students. So with CGPA of 3.9-4.0 (maximum CGPA), 100% scholarship is offered on the educational fees.

If THAT isn’t an opportunity, then tell me what is?

My first sem’s CGPA was 4.0. Now I’m waiting for my second sem’s results, hopefully to maintain my perfect grades.

Now, the Pros and Cons of going to UK.
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Pros
1. Educational fees is free! (if I can really get 100% lah)
2. Once in a lifetime opportunity
3. Experience studying in London, UK
4. Start of a fresh new life
5. Basically, this is something that I can never afford to do if it weren’t for this scholarship offered. I would never have the opportunity and chance to live nor study in London. Period.

Cons
1. Faraway from family and friends
2. I don’t know if accomodation is provided (if it’s not, it will cost a bomb to live in UK!)
3. Have to be really really independent
4. Well mainly, it’s the fact that I’ll be away from my family, and all alone not knowing anyone in UK, and still in doubt if my family can afford paying for my cost of living there in UK.
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And this is not easy to get. Only 100 seats are available. Closing date is on December 7th, but my semester 2 results will only be announced next year.

So I spoke to my Lecturer. According to her, this scholarship is based on recommendations by lecturers. She asked if I was interested to go. Because if I was, she could send in a recommendation letter with my name in it.

I was overjoyed.

However, it is still not confirmed regarding the accomodation there. I highly doubt accomodation is provided along with this scholarship. I’ve researched online, it would costs roughly about RM2000 per month just for accomodation in London.

I don’t know how accurate is the calculation, but what I do know is that I could never afford to pay RM2000 PER MONTH just for accomodation.

Nope.

Actually, truth being told, I know that deep down inside, I truly want to go to UK. I want to experience a new life there. Learn to be independent. Away from everyone that I know (though it is quite intimidating to come to think of it). I really want to go to London.

I suppose I’m giving a lot of other excuses on why I THINK I do not want to go there, or the cons of going there, is only because I am afraid that my application will be rejected.

Knowing that only 100 seats are available, and there are thousands of students in my uni, the chances are really tight and slim. I know that this isn’t an easy hope I’m wishing for.

I have this fear, that when I want that particular thing so so so very much, I would not get it in the end. Instead, when I want that thing in the very least expected moments, I would get it.

At mere times, it feels like it’s all a game of God, just testing us how much we want or treasure things in life.

Same goes in this situation. I really want this opportunity to go to UK. But I’m afraid to admit and show it, only because I know that I would not get it when I want it so much. It has always been that way in my entire life. I don’t know, but it really feels like a game to me. A not very interesting one, that is.

My lecturer who said would recommend me in told me to email her with my particulars so she can proceed in my application once she has received all my results for my semester 2.

I’ve emailed her, but she hasn’t replied. Having no clue about the progress in this scholarship offer is really killing. I go to bed every night, thinking about the possibilities of me going there, and the possibilities that my lecturer might have forgotten her dear student here is probably dying over this scholarship and waiting anxiously for her reply.

Hmmm.

Oh well. Luckily, this lecturer is really like a good friend to me. I have her number. Perhaps I would call her in a few days time just to check on the status.

See. This really proves how excited and anxious I am over this UK thing.

Somehow or another, this time, I have a strong feeling that I will not get this offer. Or maybe some small things will pop up along the way and just totally end my planning on going to London. Like financial issues, for instance.

Sigh.

Well at least I feel a lot better letting this out. Now knowing that I HAVE to face the fact and stop lying to myself that I do not want to go to UK, is merely bullshit and it’s good that I’m at least trying to learn to face the truth..

….and also preparing to face rejections.

Hmmm.

Truthfully speaking, I’m rather almost used to it. Being rejected, I meant. Considering the amount of times I got rejected for my local scholarship applications in the past, okay twice to be specific, I suppose if I am rejected on this one this time, it would be much of a pain, though I admit I will anyhow be disappointed.

I’m human too, you know!

I suppose I should at least be happy for the fact that my lecturer is willing to send in a recommendation letter with my name in it. I’ll personally take that as a compliment secretly. :) Hehe
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I think you’ve heard me whining enough.

I should go cook my lunch now. INDO MEE! =)

Yours truly,
Cheryl, pray for me that I can go to UK! heh
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